i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
