Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
