The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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