life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
