we have pet lesbian snakes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize