this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
