im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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