if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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