seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
