This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
