finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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