the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
