i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
