all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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