yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
