I seem to have left my pride at pride
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
