If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
