I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
