she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
