; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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