I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
