I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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