i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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