The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
