I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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