I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
