don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
