Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
