remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize