he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
