I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
