I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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