never play flip cup with pint glasses
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
