its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
