dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
