Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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