Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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