New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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