when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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