i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
