i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
