so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
