I got chris browned last night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
