I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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