when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
