ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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