i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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