Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize