Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
