just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
