I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
