checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
