I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
