the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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