Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
