farters have to be the big spoon...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
