smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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