While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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