so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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