:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize