i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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