I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
