oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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