dude i'm inner monologue high
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
