lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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