we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
