She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
