but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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