I am puke
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
