i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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