I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
