At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize