Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The uberlube is also flammable
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
