One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i would punch a child for taco bell
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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