Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my being single is dangerous.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
