Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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