I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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