I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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