Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
