highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
