I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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