Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
