YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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