Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
