p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I AM VODKA MAN
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize