How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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