You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
